When a family experiences pregnancy or infant loss, the emotional focus often centers on the grieving parents. While their pain is immense, there’s another group silently affected—siblings. Whether they were eagerly awaiting the arrival of a baby brother or sister or already shared moments together, children experience loss deeply, even if they don’t always have the words to express it.
Understanding how children process grief and knowing how to support them can help them heal in healthy, meaningful ways.
How Loss Affects Siblings
Children process grief differently depending on their age, developmental stage, and emotional maturity. Some may not fully grasp the concept of death, while others might internalize feelings of confusion, sadness, or even guilt. Common emotional responses can include:
- Confusion — Young children might not understand why the baby isn’t coming home.
- Guilt — Some children may irrationally believe they caused the loss through something they said or did.
- Fear — They may worry that other family members could also “go away.”
- Jealousy or Resentment — In the aftermath, attention often focuses on grieving parents, leaving siblings feeling overlooked.
How to Support Grieving Siblings
1. Use Simple, Honest Language
Avoid euphemisms like “the baby went to sleep” or “the baby is in the sky,” which can confuse young minds. Instead, gently explain that the baby died and won’t be coming home, reassuring them that they are safe and loved.
2. Acknowledge Their Feelings
Let children know it’s okay to feel sad, angry, confused, or even to feel nothing at all. Statements like, “It’s okay to miss your baby brother/sister and feel upset,” validate their emotions.
3. Create Opportunities for Expression
Children often process complex emotions through play, art, or storytelling. Encourage activities like drawing pictures, writing letters to the baby, or creating a memory box filled with keepsakes.
4. Include Them in the Grieving Process
If appropriate, allow siblings to participate in memorials or remembrance activities. Lighting a candle together, planting a tree, or having a special family moment to honor the baby can help them feel included.
5. Maintain Routines
Grief can disrupt the sense of security children find in daily routines. Keeping regular mealtimes, school activities, and bedtime rituals provides stability during an emotionally turbulent time.
6. Watch for Signs of Hidden Grief
Children sometimes express grief through behavior rather than words. Look for changes like withdrawal, trouble sleeping, regression in behavior, or acting out. These can be signs they’re struggling and need more support.
7. Seek Professional Guidance if Needed
If a child’s grief becomes overwhelming or prolonged, consider seeking help from a child therapist specializing in bereavement. Professional guidance can offer tools to help them process emotions in a healthy way.
Honoring the Lost Sibling Together
Finding age-appropriate ways to honor the baby’s memory can foster healing. This could be as simple as reading a bedtime story about loss, celebrating the baby’s birthday with a small family ritual, or allowing the sibling to keep a token or memento.
The Lasting Impact of Compassionate Support
When children are supported in their grief, they not only heal but also develop deeper empathy and emotional resilience. Recognizing their grief and holding space for it helps them feel seen, valued, and connected during a time when their world feels uncertain.
Loss changes families—but through honesty, love, and gentle support, siblings can find ways to remember their baby brother or sister while continuing to grow, heal, and thrive.